Nightmares and Night Terrors

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Child in white tank top lying on bed by
**Victoria Afanaseva** ©Scopio, 2019

Let’s make sense of all of this. Night Terrors and Nightmares are very different.

But before we dive in, let me tell you a little bit of my story.

As you may already know by now, I’m separated and I have 3 beautiful boys. Now when I first separated, my 2 older boys were just babies and I didn’t know how much of what they saw would or could impact them.

For those who don’t know, I left an abusive relationship. My babies were very young at that time. The eldest did witness me get physically abused and also suffered some of it (I’m still very much ashamed I wasn’t able to protect him more). My youngest, at the time, didn’t really realize what was happening.

How this ties into Night Terrors.

After I left my abusive relationship, I settled myself and the boys with my family. The plan was to live with them for one year and get myself ready to live on my own.

Not long after we settled in, my eldest started to have nightmares. Really intense nightmares. I later found out they were night terrors.

He would start screaming and crying in the middle of the night, and nothing would calm him down. This could last (an eternity my mind) for hours.

At first, they weren’t frequent at all, but as we started getting more at ease with our new living situation, his father (my abusive ex) started to pop over more and more whenever he wanted to, and the Night Terrors became more frequent.

After consulting with a specialist, I was relieved because of the abuse my son witnessed, he developed some anxiety. This anxiety was mostly related to his father coming and going, and the move. Makes sense, right?!

He needed to be reassured, more than what I was already doing, and shielded as much as possible from any other kind of violence.

This meant that anytime his father would come over, we would always meet outside or at public places, just in case it would end up in an argument (or worse).

After a while, my son’s night terrors calmed down and eventually stopped. As he is older now, when he gets really anxious about something, they come back. When that happens, we talk the problem out and everything seems to calm down. It helps a lot.

Now, it doesn’t mean your child is having anxiety issues if they’re having night terrors.

Here are a few facts that can help you understand more about the differences between night terrors and nightmares.

They both can start around the age of three (3) and typically can last until the age of six (6) approximately.

Nightmares VS Night Terrors

When can this happen? Will usually occur in the early hours of the morning. This is when their sleep cycle is much lighter.	VS	When can this happen? Will usually occur in the first 2 to 3 hours after bedtime. Often in a transition cycle of sleep.
What will happen? Children can scream, sweat, sit up, and will probably remember why. They can usually verbalize what the nightmare was about.	VS	What will happen? The children can scream, thrash around in their bed, sweat profusely, sit up, even get up and run or walk around. Most of the time, the children do not even realize they’re having a night terror and don’t remember what happened.
What can you do? Console them, remind your child they are safe and tuck them back into bed.	VS	What can you do? Take a deep breath, because you need to let them ride it out! Make sure it’s safe around them, in case they fall out of bed, etc. When they begin to CALM DOWN, (AND ONLY THEN), you begin to wake them up very slowly and gently. (Cuddles, kisses, etc.) Before putting them back into bed, they need to be out of their sleep cycle or the night terrors might not be over, it can happen again in the same night.
How to prevent them: Reduce any emotional stress, work on emotional well-being, strong bedtime routine, adequate sleep, prevent children from becoming over tiered, limit screen time (especially before bedtime), healthy foods, and low sugar intake	VS	How to prevent them: Reduce any emotional stress. Work on emotional well-being, a strong bedtime routine, adequate sleep, and ensure your children don’t become overtired. Limit screen time (especially before bedtime), and if they have a bedtime snack, focus on healthy foods, and low sugar intake.